Matthew 7:7-11
“Ask and it will be given to you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you.” What a comforting scripture! No matter what happens, God will take care of us.
Let’s talk first about the ways this scripture isn’t true and just get that out of the way… Two sports teams playing each other both pray to win – and one loses. A family facing homelessness prays for a miracle – and doesn’t get one. A little girl praying for a pony – goes without.
Praying for something we want is no guarantee that God is going to bend the arcs of time and space to give it to us. I wish I could tell you that God is micromanaging the universe and our lives and nothing bad is ever going to happen. We all know that’s not true.
At the same time, we hear about double blind experiments with prayer and healing that demonstrates the people prayed for when they are ill do better than those who are not prayed for, even when they don’t know the prayers are happening. Every one of us has stories of prayers answered. My favorite is from 50 years ago when my pastor’s wife prayed for a ham to feed visiting missionaries and received 3 hams in 24 hours from people who dropped them off at her door. So how do we understand why sometimes prayers seem to be answered and other times they don’t? (Right about now I’m wishing I hadn’t decided to preach this sermon.)
Let’s talk first about what I don’t think is true: If you pray and get what you want, God likes you better than other people. If you pray and don’t get what you want, God is angry with you or punishing you.
Too often people think about prayer as a guarantee. Today’s scripture certainly implies that it is. So when prayers appear to go unanswered, we wonder what’s wrong with us. Not enough faith? Not enough sincerity? Not enough good works stored up to earn a reward? I suppose that blaming ourselves for unanswered prayers is safer than blaming God. After all, if it’s God’s fault that prayers aren’t answered even when they are heart-felt and important, then maybe God isn’t love or God is petty and pays people back for unintentional slights. There are so many rabbit holes to fall into when we start thinking about prayer.
This scripture helps us avoid one of them by clearly saying the bad stuff doesn’t come from God. A child asking for fish won’t be given a snake. You may not be healed, but the illness doesn’t come from God. Your country may not avoid war, but God isn’t the one dropping the bombs. It’s common for some people to say that disasters are God’s judgment – a hurricane for New Orleans because they like to party. Let’s just say that isn’t so.
Then let’s back up a bit. What if the benefit of prayer isn’t getting what you ask for? What if God isn’t Santa Claus, delivering toys to everyone all at the same time? We seem to live with the fact that we don’t always get what we ask for at Christmas time. We ask for a pony and we get a new basketball, and we’re okay with that. What are the things about prayer that can be satisfying if not magical?
One of the hard parts about this scripture is that it’s focused on material things. In my experience, the best parts of prayer aren’t getting a reward. The best part of prayer is a feeling of connection – someone to listen and care. When praying is pouring our hearts out over something hard, it helps to feel like we are heard. That it actually matters to someone how we feel, how scared we are or how sad. There have been times in my life that I’ve really felt comforted by prayer – like climbing into a parent’s lap and being held close. That feeling gets reinforced when flesh and blood people also listen and care. One author calls that “God with skin on.” Sometimes people are an answer to prayer.
When I was working up to this sermon, I saw a quote from Kierkegaard on Facebook: The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.
In that case prayer functions very much like meditation. It helps us clarify what it is that’s happening to us. We get in touch with fear or anger or confusion. We notice what it is in our lives that’s broken. A loved one who is ill, a job that isn’t working, a pet that’s missing, a war about to start. Having named what it is that’s wrong, we are better able to live with the problem. It becomes less overwhelming when we understand it. We can put a little space around it and then begin to find ways to manage it. We can request a second opinion from a doctor. We can look for a new job. We can ask for help from a friend who listens well. The problem doesn’t disappear, but our ability to deal with it shifts a bit. That too is an answer to prayer.
I no longer think of prayer as God on speed dial, ready to hear what’s up in my life and fix it for me. Instead I think of God as the energy that permeates all that is, the vibration of life in every cell and particle of the universe. That God is always present within and around. That God connects me to everything that is – all people, all creatures, the earth and all that’s beyond. I’m convinced that this God energy is, as Jesus told us, Love. It is benevolent. It wants everything to be Good – as the creation story tells us. God said it was good.
Prayer then becomes connecting with the energy of Love that wants what is best for all life. Physicists tell us that a scientist can change the results of an experiment by the thought they hold about what will happen. Expect a particle, see a particle; expect a wave, see a wave. If that’s true, then surely we can change the reality of our lives by the way that we think about them. Our positive energy connects across space and time to impact others. That connection gives us strength and hope. Two teams about to play a football game each pray to win. And the energy of the universe helps every player do their best, the teams to work together, to capitalize on opportunities, to use skill. One team wins and another loses, but the game is a good thing. Someone we love is ill and we pray for healing. Doctors and other caregivers do their best. They use medicines developed to be helpful. Sometimes our loved one gets better. Sometimes they don’t because every life ends at some point. But in the meantime there are good moments, times of connection, words spoken, memories shared, love expressed. All those connections can be holy. They speak of a love greater than any one of us and all of us.
I no longer believe that God fixes the world for us when we pray. But I do believe that the love that connects us all is activated by our attention. That it matters when we hold a friend in loving thought when they are struggling. It matters when we send out a hope for peace. It matters that we believe the universe is on our side. It matters that we believe in the power of community to make life better for everyone. It matters when we answer prayers in our community – a prayer for rent, a prayer for food, a prayer for recognition. Prayer changes us. It makes us more kind, more loving, more hopeful. And kind, loving, hopeful people change the world.