Galatians 6:1-10
Empathy, by Megan Harper Nichols
Let me hold the door for you.
I may have never walked in your shoes,
but I can see your soles are worn,
your strength is torn under the weight of a story
I have never lived before.
Let me hold the door for you.
After all you have walked through it is the least I can do.
Today’s words are compassion and empathy. I put them together because they are very similar, but not identical, and both speak to the very heart of our enterprise, creating a better world. These two words almost don’t need a definition. We recognize their importance right away. We practice compassion when we write a check for someone in our community with a need – rent, bus pass, birth certificate. It’s an important thing to do and it makes a difference to that person. Sometimes, we don’t just write the check, we hear the story. Why is someone in danger of eviction? Illness, job loss? What else is true about them? They are parents? They have been without shelter before? When we enter into their story, we feel their need in a deeper way, with empathy. When we help these folks it not only makes a difference for them, it also changes us a bit. We see the world more clearly. We know more about the experiences of people in our community. So compassion and empathy are interwoven. Both the giver and the receiver grow into a new place through their interaction.
In my teens my grandmother gave me a copy of the Good News Bible, what was originally called “Good News for Modern Man.” This edition was illustrated with simple line drawings. The drawing for the verse, “Bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ,” showed a line of people of all genders and ages, each one carrying a sack that looked heavy over their shoulder. In the line the artist drew people’s left hand holding the sack on their shoulder and the right hand reaching forward to lift the bottom of the sack of the person ahead. Each one carried a heavy load, but no one carried it alone. When we live in an atmosphere of compassion, giving and receiving empathy toward one another, all our burdens are lighter.
Our second reading talks about the need to know the story others are living by. I want us to focus on that word “story” for a minute. When we think about our own lives, there are many stories we tell ourselves about our history and our experiences. Our Buddhist friends remind us that there are events, and then there are the stories we tell about the events. Those of us with adult siblings know that the stories about what it means to have grown up in our families vary from one person to another. My favorite grandmother was my brother’s nightmare, the same person experienced in very different ways. The story we assume about a person standing on the Walmart corner with a sign and the story they might tell us about their life are probably very different. But we both put meaning into the stories we tell. We need to hear another person’s story in order to understand how they experience life. Listening to that story is part of lifting their burden.
Our Buddhist friends also tell us that we don’t need to be trapped by a story, once we see it for what it is. Every story can be told in more than one way. We wave to a friend across a crowded room and he doesn’t wave back. We can tell a story about being offended: he’s ignoring me; I must embarrass him; he never liked me. Or we can tell a different story: he can’t see me without his glasses; the crowd is so large; I’m going to tease him about not seeing me the next time we’re together. How we tell the story changes the experience.
Our effort to describe a better world is giving us many words, but those words don’t change us or our world unless we put them into action. Part of practicing compassion toward ourselves and others, part of living with empathy, is learning not to be carried away by the stories we tell. We practice compassion toward ourselves when we make room for positive stories about our experiences, rather than focusing on hurt or pain. We practice empathy when we listen to the real story someone wants to tell us, rather than just the story we have in our head. And when we really listen, we first honor the story folks tell as theirs. And we may be able to help them see small ways to tell that story differently, ways that bring healing to their pain.
What do you have to add to the conversation about compassion and empathy?
When have you experienced receiving compassion from someone else?
When have you acted on compassion or empathy you felt for another?
Who comes to mind when you think about persons you would like to show more compassion to?